The Fight, Flight, Freeze Response

Hey! Happy July!

Isn't the weather nice?

Isn't this year flying by?

Isn't it peculiar how one can have near misses each week and still not learn that there are now silently-moving electric cars on the road?

Sorry. Another day, another near miss.

But, that slightly bizarre comment makes for a rather nice transition actually.

We can pretend all we want that our tech, gadgets (and electric cars) elevate us above the simpler life of our ancestors. But, this blog is going describe how, in many ways, we are actually still intrinsically connected to an older, wilder system than we may care to admit. We forget that, while yes, we may have adapted socially and mentally to live a "modern" life, our physiology is struggling to catch up. We've out performed evolution because our prehistoric brains are still wired to forage and live in the woods. One of the biggest examples of this is the Fight or Flight response that you will have experienced countless times in your life. This blog is going to go into why understanding this response may be integral to your recovery.

What is it?

Fight or Flight is your bodies in-built threat detector. It is our way of trying to keep us safe by sensing potential danger. Back when we were living at large in the wild - picking berries, inventing fire, and painting on the sides of caves - the main threats that we would have encountered would be physical - from animals, or other cave folk. There you'd be, minding your own business, perhaps sweeping up your cave or carefully etching a portrait of your family into your wall, and suddenly, you'd look up to see some sort of beast circling your fire pit.

The part of your brain that controls fear (known as the Amygdala) would activate your (brace yourself...) hypothalamic pituitary adrenal cortical axis. This is the response system that regulates hormones, but you really don't need to remember that. This would then flood your body with cortisol and adrenalin, making your heart rate pick up in order to move blood away from the places you don't need it, and towards the muscles you do. This is to facilitate your ability to either starting fighting or starting running.

This response also includes moving blood away from your digestive system (which is why you may feel nauseous, or suddenly not hungry when you are scared), and also away from your fingers and toes. This why you may literally experience 'cold feet' - as per the expression. You body is in survival mode. There's no time for a picnic or spare energy for nicely toasted extremities.

Simultaneously, blood vessels in your skin constrict in order to protect against excessive blood loss (if something were to swipe at you) and you sweat more to stop from overheating. This may make you look pale and clammy.

As well as this, your pupils dilate and your hearing sharpens allowing you to better see, hear and take in as much data as possible about the threats. You also breathe more rapidly in order to oxygenate your blood. Even your sense of pain diminishes.

Most importantly, though, your rational and logical mind take a back seat (since your brain knows you don't have time to think: hmmm I wonder if this lion enjoys snacking on young cave-person like me, or, perhaps he has more of an acquired taste...) leaving the action part in charge. You are now a lean, mean fighting or running machine ready to engage in a race from, or combat with a lion.

From a survival perspective, this is superb!

A quick note on 'Freeze'

The alternative reaction, besides the aforementioned 'fight' or 'flight', is 'freeze'. This can happen when you feel completely overwhelmed, trapped, or can see no escape. You feel 'paralysed with fear', so they say. This is why people can seem unresponsive in dangerous or scary situations. Their body is essentially 'playing dead' in the hope that the fear will depart or stop. I've noticed that this happens to me quite often, actually. For example, when I drove past an ablaze car with my mum last year, I could hardly move, nor form words. It took me several seconds to get my phone out in order to call 999 because my body simply wouldn't 'work'. When our body's are in that state, ours brain can shut down the parts that process events so we don't form memories of what's happening - psychologically protecting us against trauma. If you've ever been through something very frightening, but don't remember much about it, this may have been an instance of this psychological shutdown having happened.

A quick note on... wasps.

Here, I invite you to cast your mind to a time when you were around friends or family, perhaps having a dinner party or picnic, and a wasp visited your party. What were peoples' various reactions? My bet is that some people froze and sat motionless in the hope that it would depart, some people flapped and screamed, and some people upped sticks and ran. This is a perfect example of all 3 fear responses. But, it's safe to sat, it doesn't only happen when a wasp interrupts your picnic...

Perceived threats

The FFF response has been designed to save us from life or death threats. However, the vast majority of us we live in a world where the chance of a physical attack is very small. This, of course, is great news.

The issue is, though, that our body's haven't caught onto this fact yet. Our body's still think they need to prime us to fight or flee whenever we perceive a threatening or confronting scenario.

In this way, we have been left with a pretty redundant system that cannot differentiate between threats: true, perceived or learnt. This means our body's often respond in exact the same way upon modern 'threats' (such as receiving a confrontational text message or taking an exam) as it would upon facing a lion. This is, quite evidently, not ideal.

In an Eating Disorder recovery context, confronting a perceived threat (e.g. a new food/change in behaviour/gain weight), will likely have this same involuntary response.

Why does this matter for recovery?

Coming to understand this automatic response was absolutely fundamental for me and my recovery journey. It is not an overstatement to say I know I would not have healed without it.

It took me a very long time indeed to realise, and then to admit, that my tendency to hit the roof in rage whenever my mum offered me food, or my sister suggested I change my breakfast, was actually an expression of fear. On those occasions, my rational self had left the building. Somehow, and very suddenly, none of my motivations now seemed relevant. The dreams of travelling? The desire for strong bones? The desire for something more than apathy? It all meant nothing. In that moment, there was no logic accessibile. For my body, there was one simple objective (irrespective of whose toes it trod on or whose feelings it hurt): get yourself out of the threat scenario, fast.

Once I recognised that my anger-response to being offered food or suggested change was inappropriate, I was able to join the dots. Those dots lead me to realising the route cause of my fear response: my fear of weight gain. Let me explain....

Why did I get angry and lose my head when offered food?

Because being offered food felt like a threat.

Why does someone offering me food feel like such a threat?

Because I was afraid of weight gain.

Why did I freeze when standing in front of a cupboard full of food?

Because that food felt like a threat.

Why did that food feel like such a threat?

Because I was afraid of weight gain.

Why did I leave the room when my sister suggested I add banana to my oats?

Because that change felt like a threat.

Why did that change feel like a threat?

Because I was afraid of weight gain.

Etc.

And here you may be thinking, but Han, where did this fear of weight gain come from? To which I tell you that's a whole other topic for another day. But, in short, that fear came from everywhere - including my weight gain avoidant actions that I had been performing each day that were consistently suggesting to my brain that suppressing my weight was of vital importance.

If I'm honest, admitting my fear of weight gain was incredibly difficult of me. This is partly because, consciously, I didn’t think I feared weight gain. Consciously, I wanted to gain weight, didn't I?

But here is the thing - fear is not always conscious, and despite wanting to recover, my actions and behaviours were avoidant of weight gain. My reactions were certainly indicative that some part of my brain viewed weight gain as a threat.

Are you experiencing a sympathetic nervous system (SNS) fear responses?

Like was the case with me, it is quite likely that your recurrent anger, freeze response and tendency to flee the kitchen are symptoms of fear (most likely, of weight gain). Here are some things to look out for...

Fight

Might look like this (replace my name with yours...)

“Han, darling, would you like a slice of cheesecake?”

“Why the fuck do you continuously offer me food? Seriously, why can't you just fucking leave me to it and stop interfering? The funny thing is, I probably would have had the bloody cheesecake if you hadn't just suggested it, but now, I'm not going to, just because you said I should. I really, really can't tolerate you and your offerings much longer. You are actually driving me mad. If you mention it again, I swear to you, I am going to pick up that entire cheesecake and hurl it against the wall. I don't even like cheesecake anyway. Fuck cheesecake. Uh. And, whilst we are at it, was it you who got up to use the loo at about 3am? Thanks for that. You already know I don't sleep well and you woke me up and with your stomping footsteps. If I would have had a better nights sleep, I probably would have had the cheesecake. So, really, everything that's wrong is all your fault. Well done.”

Or something along those lines...

Interestingly, the 'fight'/ anger response is most frequently used towards people we are close enough to to be able to get away with it. For me, this meant my family - my mum, my dad and my sister - who I knew loved me unconditionally and would forgive me a few hours later.

When I think back to it now, it is incredible how they tolerated bearing the brunt of my fear-induced abuse and for this, I will forever be thankful. I do not know how they coped when I was so angry that I would get dizzy.

In my efforts to evade fear, I would be absolutely vile. And the thing that scared me most, was that I knew my words would sting. Words would come out of my mouth that were so cruel that it would literally shock me - but this didn't stop me. A friend whose words I hold in the highest regard likens this explosive anger to as if one has been wearing Hermione's Horcrux necklace too long. That, for me, hits the nail directly on the head.

And then, 10 minutes later, after my mum, dad and sister (with their recovery suggestions and what I thus perceived to be the threats to my 'safety') removed themselves from my presence, I would usually calm down and feel absolutely horrendous. I would often still feel somewhat irritated, but simultaneously really, really guilty. As the situation diffused more and more, and I slipped into my parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest), I could see my anger was an overreaction. Rationality flooded back in and I could recognise their suggestions were not true threats, but were actually the right thing to do and aligned with my recovery motivations.

Flight

Might look like this...

“Han, would you like some cheesecake?”

“Sorry? What did you say? I didn't hear you? Cheesecake? Hmm. Yes, I would, thanks. Sure. But, I just remembered that I have to go... and... do that thing...with Shelia down the road... that I said I was going to do with her. So, leave me a slice. Probably best pop it in the fridge so the cat doesn't get it. What? We don't have cats? Oh, sorry, my bad. Anyway, got to dash. There was actually mention of cheesecake being served at Shelia's, so I'll probably have some there too. Super excited for that slice later though! See you!”

Or something similar...

This flight response is basically departing the scene. I, personally, would use this SNS response when around people I didn’t know so well and where nobody would really raise an eye at my rapid departure. There is one particular occasion I remember using it at work, actually. I suddenly, very urgently "needed to nip to the loo" despite having just been.

"Be back in a mo!" I lied, half cringing at my use of the abbreviation to make it sound more casual and less panicked.

Aside from the loo stunt, I also pulled the sickness card a lot too. Cheesecake was doing the rounds at a dinner party? "Right! Got to go! I don’t feel very well! Got a sudden thumping headache and a poorly little toe that needs nursing at home! Catch you later!”

Conveniently, I moved far, far, far away from the perceived threat (the offered cheesecake).

Freeze:

Might look like this...

“Han, I've just come back from the supermarket with the shopping. There's cheesecake for a snack, or muffins, or crumpets, and lots more! Why are you standing in front of the fridge like that? Is everything ok?"

” …. urm …… I …. erm. ”

For me, this would feel like my brain had literally short circuited. It honestly felt as though a silent and earth-shattering bomb had gone off in my head, tearing apart my brain to the point that I felt utterly incapable of making any decision or accessing any rationality. My head was in overdrive. I was thinking nothing and everything all at once. I often couldn't even continue with conversations. It left me like a startled newborn - not knowing my left from my right or how to form words.

Restaurant menus and supermarkets elicited the same reaction, too and is probably why I ate similar foods each day. Food-related decisions cause a SNS response when you have a fear of weight gain - which we've already established I did. Change, might cause potential change, so not changing was the answer, apparently.

And finally, the lesser known response:

Fawn

May look like this...

“Han, would you like some cheesecake? We are all having some”

“Oh, yes, wonderful! What flavour? Vanilla? Fantastic! Delicious, thank you, yum yum yum. How did you make this? It's delightful! Can I have the recipe? Pretty please? Have I mentioned how tasty this is?” [*Takes the cheesecake and pushes it around the plate, somehow making it disappear from sed plate without consuming it*]

In the context I'm using it here, 'fawn' basically means appease. This form of deceit is one I would turn to when I felt like I was out of options, my situation was otherwise inescapable, or I was around people who were close enough to me that I cared not to be awkward around, but were not close enough for me to be honest and let my inner Horcrux Han out upon. Thinking back to it, I cringe at how I would usually act excessively grateful to take the food and then focused my energy on trying to make it look like I was complying socially. I know I always gave excessive compliments to the chef about the food after, probably in order to try to be more convincing and reduce suspicion. On reflection, I bet my over exaggeration actually had the opposite effect.

Identification, done. What next?

Once you have the awareness that your biological response that doesn't come from the true you, but from a more primal, redundant survival system based on perceived threats (rather than true threats), you have already diffused some of its power. Naming what you are experiencing can be one way of externalising the feeling, ensuring there is some level of recognition that there is no 'true' threat, despite your physiological reaction. Another important step to take is facilitate a shift in your nervous system, from SNS (Fight, Flight, Freeze) to PNS (Rest and Digest). Laying down on the carpet and taking 5 minutes to pay attention to your breathing is of more value than it may seem. I actually wrote a whole blog on that here). My breathing technique of choice was to inhale slowly over a count of 8 seconds, hold that breathe for 4 seconds, and then try to fully empty my lungs. I'd do this until I felt as though my state of panic had reduced. Many other breathing strategies are available, of course. I suggest you try them all out and see what feels best for you.

Finally, bringing in some mantras and affirmations can really help to ground you, and to replace fear with concepts that rationalise the threat. It is important that these affirmations really resonate with you (aren't merely generic ones you've read once on Instagram), and are said with a level of self-respect and appreciation. By that, I mean, don't say "oh come on, don't be so stupid, get your arse in gear, you perennial failure". Instead, try something along the lines of "thanks for stepping in brain, but I am not in danger here, I am safe, X is not actually threat'

Summary...

Some recap points to take away with you (because I know that was a really long blog..)

• Many of the behaviours you will experience in recovery will be that of the fear responses. They are indicative that you have entered your sympathetic nervous system. We only enter our SNS when our brain detects or perceives a threat.

• If you do notice yourself having these fear responses, your brain does see food /weight gain as a threat, even if that's not conscious. This is not a normal response and will need to be neurally rewired.

• Recognising that fear presents itself in certain ways (as anger, avoidance, running away, pretending to eat, and inability to make decisions etc) can help you manage the reaction. Even if you can't help the feeling entering your brain, you can work to diffuse it and negate its power.

• Diffusing it may be helped by...

1) Externalising the experience by voicing its occurence

2) Doing breathing exercises

3) Using relevant affirmations

• Your Fight or Flight response is brilliant for short periods of time, and in appropriate in some circumstances. You don't have to hate it. Instead, use your understanding of it to ensure it is assisting you, rather than limiting you. Remember, your body is on your side. In the modern world, we actually experience this reaction all the time: for exams, job interviews, deadlines. The list goes on. The skills you develop to diffuse it will be a useful in all avenues of your life, rather that just recovery.

• Our bodies, though, aren't designed to be on such high alert 24/7. Feeling this fear response constantly is incredibly damaging and draining both physically and mentally. If you have access to one, speak to a therapist on how you can better control your fear reaction with a range of techniques. If you don't have access to one, there are many great resources on google, or that I can direct you to if you send me a quick message. Doing so will result in you ability to resist weight avoidant urges, and in turn, help you rewire your brain.