How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we are doing with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. — Annie Dillard
In this blog series, I am going to tackle the topic of taking a break from work (or studies) in order to prioritise eating disorder recovery.
As a pre-warning, my ‘tackling’ won’t actually result in any sort of intercept at all. I will not, and nor do I feel should anyone else, come to a conclusion for you. Rather than come to a prescriptive answer, my purpose is to evaluate some of the pros and cons involved in making that very complex choice that likely needs deep, honest, and perhaps very uncomfortable self-reflection.
There is no universally right answer.
First and foremost, it is important to say that I believe there to be potential benefits and drawbacks to taking leave or continuing with work. As you read through this blog, I ask you to pay attention to any strong emotional reactions that arise to any of the points I put forward. If there is anything that you find yourself recoiling from, or drawn to, try your best to assess where that feeling is coming from: ED fear or your healthy self.
It is also important to add that there are many reasons why a genuine rest from life’s responsibilities could feel impossible. The main two of these are financial constraints and caring duties of those who are dependent on you (e.g., caring for children, or your own parents).
If this feels relevant to you, even here, I still urge you to question if there are beneficial changes I could make, rather than assuming that the answer is an unwavering hard and fast no. I know all too well myself that ‘black or white thinking’ – a common symptom of malnutrition – can make it feel like there is no alternative than just keep on carrying on. However, though it is often incredibly logistically difficult to make necessary changes, it’s exceedingly rare for zero flexibility to be available.
If you are in this position, this type of analysis you may benefit from is as follows:
Assessment of your financial situation to calculate whether it’s feasible to reduce your work hours.
Exploration of options within a given workday, in case hours can be shifted to not interfere with mealtimes, performed at home rather than ‘in office’, or perhaps if a later start time or earlier finish time can be negotiated in order to avoid a rush hour commute.
Evaluation if some carefully timed leave can be asked for, or whether holiday allocation could be gathered into a meaningful block of several weeks.
Talking to a family member or close friend and assess whether more parental or household tasks can be delegated for a certain time frame, even if these are tasks that you enjoy, and especially if these tasks are energy-zapping, like taking the dog out.
Assessing if any ‘extra’ commitments you feel obliged to do can be temporarily shelved (e.g., tutoring, church duties, weekly errands).
Being really honest about tasks that you take on that really aren’t necessary and limiting those (e.g., twice daily supermarket runs to pick up ingredients that you don’t really need, ironing socks…).
Getting smart about how you can avoid certain stressful situations (e.g., taking your lunch break at a different time to your colleague who talks about nothing but dieting).
I am not trying to assert that you must interfere with all essential roles in your life if you wish to fully recover. But, I am trying to say that there is likely more flexibility within any given situation than you may recognise. Lots more than we may initially consider is negotiable. With careful planning, lessening any assumed adverse knock-on effects is very possible.
And finally, the long view is incredibly relevant here. Though it hurts to hear this, the truth remains: your eating disorder is impairing your capacity to do life to an extent that is fulfilling; to perform at your most energised, be a good colleague, or the best mother, father, son, (or any other role you value) that you could be if you were well. If you do want to be able to fulfil any of them with true energy and commitment and vision and happiness, you may need to step back from them for a little while.
The feedback I had from my last blog series was that it was more manageable due to it being broken down into chunks. I’m therefore going to park Part 1 right here, leaving you with a few questions that I hope this series as whole will help you to answer:
If you are studying, would a short-term deferral be long-term beneficial for you?
If you are working, would a short-term leave of absence be constructive for you long-term?
Is your refusal to shelve activities that distract from recovery a sign that imminent recovery progress is being purposely and conveniently avoided?
Are there activities currently taking precedence over healing that could be reduced in intensity, without necessarily stopping the activity in its entirety?
Should you delegate personal responsibilities (volunteering, caring roles that can be performed temporarily by others, etc.)?
See you in Part 2!
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