According to my notes, which I date for reference, on the 10th of August 2021, I held 3 coaching calls. One of those was with a new client. We'll call her "N".
On the 10th of August 2022, "N" sent me an email. I've copied a few snippets below...
Hey!
It’s been a while and just thought I’d give you a quick update!
...
I would consider myself fully recovered now as I can eat whatever, whenever, with no ed thoughts or compulsions
...
I’ve just come back from a two week holiday and it went really well! No problems with food, relaxing or anything
Wahooooooooooo.
Music.
To.
My.
Ears.
(eyes?)
Keeping aware of her genetic predisposition to the energy debt, N has an ED-free life ahead of her. There is nothing - and I mean nothing - better that I could read. N's recovery was underway when we began speaking, but the good few months of her intentional action, commitment and determination have resulted in this: it all being over. Recovery done. RecoverED. Finito. Not perpetually 'in recovery'. Not forever 'battling'. Not "learning to live with the thoughts, but getting better at managing them". Done. Finished. Concluded. Safe.
N very kindly agreed to answer some questions that I posed to her in order to write this blog post. Here they are.
How did restricting make you feel?
Restricting made me feel tired. Physically and mentally. My thoughts were consumed with the food I wouldn’t allow myself enough of. All of this caused my mood to be very low. My emotions were very unstable and my concentration was really poor. Really, I didn't have any energy for anything other than eating disorder behaviours. I felt no hope for the future.
Has recovery healed any relationships/friendships?
Yes. One of my friends from high school in particular. I am so glad my eating disorder no longer blinds me in relationships. I have become a lot closer with my friend group since I no longer isolate myself. As well as this, my friends feel like they can invite me places without me rejecting them.
Did your body heal before your mind did? (e.g. did physical rehabilitation happened before neural rewiring)?
Yes. I physically rehabilitate first, but it was only a year later that fully committed to making a full recovery, involving my neural rewiring.
Using just 3 words, how does full recovery feel?
Happiness
Freedom
Living
Using just 3 words, describe your current relationship with food.
1. Normal
2. Enjoyable
3. Spontaneous
What are the 3 best things about full recovery?
The easy-goingness of life now
The way I can enjoy food guilt free
The happiness I feel
What do you wish you would have known sooner in your recovery journey?
That the emotion of fear is ok to experience when you are challenging something, and that it would be much easier to go through the uncomfortable feelings than to have the eating disorder forever.
What did you find hardest to overcome?
Overall, the ED rules network. Also, fully allowing myself to eat in accordance to my mental hunger when I first let go.
What advice would you give to somebody else ‘in recovery’ right now?
You just have to do it. You can make up many excuses not to start or do it fully, but you have to do it if you want to achieve freedom.
You’ve just been on holiday for 2 weeks - how did that feel now you are free from your ED?
It felt great. I could relax with no guilt and was able to fully enjoy the holiday. I ate new food with no knowledge of what was in it and visited places on my own. This shows the independence I have developed.
How would you describe your relationship with your body now?
Neutral. Sometimes I have opinions on it which vary from feeling confident to not so confident but it doesn’t take up time or thoughts anymore, I appreciate my body.
Do you trust your body?
Yes. I trust when I feel satisfied.
Do you feel that your body trusts you?
Yes, it doesn’t fear a famine anymore
Have you experienced a decline in the intensity of any other comorbidities now that malnutrition is gone?
The OCD symptoms have drastically reduced [present before malnutrition, but exacerbated]
My mood is much higher
Physical anxiety is rare
My concentration is much better
I deal with change better
My mental health is much more positive
I am happier.
One final time, well done N.
You deserve no less than what you have now.
[Shared with N's permission]
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