Comparing your intake to other's

First off: WE NEED TO BE EATING MORE THAN OTHERS!!!!!

Awareness of what others are eating.

Having an eating disorder makes us hyper aware of what other people are eating. I bet you've realised. I sit in a packed lecture hall at Uni and I hear a crisp packet being open 20 rows back. I literally can’t stop myself peering around to see the size of the bag, the flavour and who is eating it. Madness.  This is mostly AN comparing my intake to other people's. For most people with eating disorders, it's a victory when you have eaten the least. You shouldn't rely on the comfort of other people eating to give yourself permission to eat.

1.On the ‘Gram:

Honestly, I think this is one of the major negative things about the recovery community on Instagram. Seeing other people eat portions, which quite frankly were too small, was so unhelpful in the early part of recovery for me before I became better at not being affected by what other people eat. Day in day out I stumble across people eating low calorie foods and even diet foodsand for a second, AN kicks in and makes me regret having a proper yoghurt rather than a light version, or a proper brownie instead of a Fibre One. Or regular ice cream instead of Halo Top. But only for a moment. I know, for a fact, that my mind won't heal if I eat those type of foods, but it took me a long time to understand that.

I am well aware that people have the right to post whatever they want online, but it doesn't stop the fact it was a terrifying prospect eating lots already- (like I needed to be!!) let alone whilst seeing others are eating very little. I think what people need to understand is that having a platform where you share what you are eating is actually a responsibility.There are some fragile people who could be really influenced by it. I personally don't think it's right to recommend lower calorie alternatives in recovery. These lower calorie alternatives from occasionally appear on my suggested page,  I scroll right past these now without reading, but I didn't used to.

Solution to comparing to others on Insta: You have the ability to control what you are exposed to. Unfollow anybody who posts pictures that you don’t find unhelpful. Or take some time off entirely.

2. Out and about:

You’re out shopping and you pluck up the courage to go into lunch café. The girl (who is entirely healthy mentally and physically) on the table next to yours, Salad-Loving-Susan, orders— guess what? A salad. And that is completely fine.

Does that mean you have to get a salad? NO!

Why?

You don’t know the rest of her days intake.She need to put on weight.She isn’t ordering a salad for restrictive reasons.But most importantly: Your name is not Salad -Loving -Susan. YOU are YOU.

I promise, once you’re out of this awful illness, if you go to a café, you can pick a salad every single time (if you really desire), so long as its not for restrictive reasons and there's no thoughts of ‘having to’ pick it. At the moment, the fact that a stranger on the table next to you has picked a salad, cannot be allowed to influence your choice. You don't HAVE pick something lower calorie because they do.

3. At home:

Now, let me tell you, I struggled and still do on occasions at home. My parents generally aren’t huge eaters and neither is my sister. I sometimes wish they were. It's not a disordered thing for them whatsoever though.

The photo scrambled eggs at the top of this post was something I ate on holiday in summer. I remember feeling mortified that I'd eaten the same breakfast portion as my dad. Now I look at that photo and know it wouldn't have touched the sides. I'd have still been hungry after, but I didn't dare have more because even my dad didn't. And its really sad that I didn't. I should have. My body needs more.

What I tend to forget is they my family snack when I don’t see, so sometimes at mealtimes they don't finish. There is no need for them to necessarily finish all that's on their plate. They aren't stopping for restrictive reasons. That doesn't stop sirens begin in my head though...

Why should I finish if they aren’t??

STOP. THINK.

You don’t know the rest of their day's intake.They do not need to put on weight.They aren’t not finishing for restrictive reasons.

Likewise at school, uni or work; if your friends/ colleges skip breakfast/lunch, youneed to take initiative and responsibility to still eat. This is your recovery.It may appear 'unfair' that you are the only one eating, but your body needs this nourishment to heal. You have treated your body unfairly for a period of time. To 'normal' people, skipping a meal isn't disastrous.

SO, to sum up how I personally deal with diet talk or get affected by others lack of eating, I repeat something along the lines of this:

“I’m Han. Im on my own path. I have different needs to others. I am my own person and have my own body. Everyone has different habits and eating patterns. I’m finding my own way. Nobody else is on the same path as me. Therefore they can do what ever the hell they want and so will I. Its my life and if I want to live I have to continue on this path.